First Chapter Submitted. The Panic Begins.

What in the hell have I done?!
What in the hell have I done?!

I’m about to submit the first chapter of my book to for review. The “resistance” as author Steven Pressfield coined the term has been strong today. He uses the term to describe distractions which seems to pop up in the artist’s life as he goes about his work. This resistance comes in many forms, a real job, family, sports and entertainment, sex, twitter, youtube, long walks in the park.  Sometimes you have to submit to the resistance.

The resistance is coming today in the form of the impulse to organize. I decided to declare my desk a sacred work place, casting out all non-key project materials. I declared sovereignty over my desk.

The desk came like the chair from the post before. It’s old, beat up, missing parts. We have to put it into a corner, so it can lean agains the wall.

So about this first chapter. I don’t know what people are going to think. I’m excited to find out.

I have now read this chapter at least ten times as a reader/editor. In the earlier writing, meandering phases, I’m not even sure how many times I read it. Sometimes at night when I would think about cleaning it up, while it was still being written, I would go back to earlier parts and just get a feel for them, maybe fixing up typos here and there, but just sort of tasting them to see what it was like.

The thing my morose, self-hating self, can’t help but think is I will probably still get called out for grammar errors, run-on sentences, incomplete sentences, typos, something. I also feel like I get a little hurried in the narrative, and collapse into a little bit too much telling as opposed to the showing.

I also am very worried that my concept is trite and cliche, and I have basically  just created some hackey shit! But I had fun doing it, and that’s got to be worth something right?

I do like the overall feel of the first chapter though. It now dawns on me that I ought to share a little bit about the story itself. But I think I will do that it in a later post.

Unfortunately I feel there is going to be a lot of spoilers and that sort of thing in this blog. This is definitely a sacrifice of the experience for some potential readers, I guess. But since I don’t have very many readers anyway no point to get all sanctimonious about it.

Update:  Days later, the resistance was so strong it didn’t even allow me to finish the blog post. First chapter has been submitted,  feeling panicked. Good panicked though really. I am excited to hear people’s reactions to it. I did a few more read throughs before I submitted it, basically deleting more and rewriting some. It’s a really hard thing to apply, “the less is more” concept. You just got to learn to let go of the bad sentences, and let the good sentences do the work!

Stay tuned for the impending sense of failure, when I am not worshiped for my authorial abilities! That’s a joke. I’m very humble…


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