On Father’s Day 

Perfect night to perfect day. Seventies, clear, clouds like warships marching through the sky. Dad came out, went in on a rant about the curse of the family name, showed a big gash in his head, which he got after a pack of unconscientious gals at the coffee shop got him all riled up and he bumped his head on his car getting in. I don’t like when he says that, that we got bad luck, bad mojo, seems a self-fulfilling prophecy to me. 

Why can’t our genes be associated with victory, success, fortune? I smiled though and listen, even joke in a similar vain, accounting my own similar and recent bad luck, AC went out on Honda, needed new rooters and breaks on the truck. There’s no point, and its negative to fight it. Instead I hijack the genes on my own time, the story in my own mind. We have to accept the darker undertones of the tale, a bastard’s journey to kingship, return of the prodigal son. But what does Promise Land look like? I’ve been forced to consider. 

There’s irony in my Dad’s dark outlook, it’s the other side of over confidence. He was always pretty successful socially, friends, girlfriends. In his high school senior picture he looks like Super Man, Christopher Reeves incarnation. Tall, handsome, full head of hair, stylish white bell bottoms. The caption says he’s helping a younger student. He was class President, Captain of the football team, scholarship offers for wrestling. He idealized those times. His Mom and Dad divorced his senior year. I think this is what got him. Grandpa went a little wild, was an alcoholic. I’m convinced Grandma Gene,  Grandpa Pete’s mom, was a witch, a good one. She made little piles of rocks all through out her yard, stacked up at night under the moon and stars. I feel her in me when I stand in the field at dusk; we are happy, at home. 

Britney cooked huge steaks and veggie packs on the grill. Ran a notable grill, orangey grey charcoal stack. Grandpa played ring-leader with the gang. They teased and provoked, debating how the water balloons would be dished out after lunch. I feel and realize my clone like nature watching it all. How we are the same just slight variations in time and space, even my wife, and how we put up facade of separateness, but it doesn’t mean anything. My Mom had a falling out with her Mom, didn’t talk for years. But I realized later they probably thought about each other more cause of that, obsessively and neurotically probably. 

After lunch we had the water ballon fight and then jumped my rider mower, my Father’s Day miracle. I thought it was done, but we pushed it to my Dad’s car while the boys took turn steering. I could tell the old man had the itch to mow, he’s recently moved from his big yard, but he let me have at it, and went inside with the boys.

I checked in on them later, sat there in a row yucking it up and playing video games. There’s something here that transcends the tawdry, and cheap word “love”, but that’s what it is. It makes my cells ache, yearning to make it permanent, imprint it on the over-soul for eternity. But true success is only when you let go, praise and love, but don’t grasp. I finished my mowing. The farm is looking great. I’m happy like kid. Blessed on a perfect day, so lucky. 

Perfect Night in Des Moines 


Source
It was a perfect night tonight. The heat broke, has been ninety plus for almost two weeks. Won’t really rain, just spit. Left our little Eden and went to the big city Des Moines, for dinner with wife’s coworkers. There are those nights, summer nights, where everything thing seems clean, shiny, put together. Des Moines is quintessential fly-over country and I hope it stays that way for ever. I truly hesitate to even brag about it publicly, so as not to alert the unwashed masses of its awesomeness. One of the main reasons is per-capita, pound to pound, Des Moines is actually a world class food city. It fertile lands and deep agricultural roots, along with its geographic centerness has brought many influences and culturals to bare. 

This agricultural industry have created stronger economic health. This and things like the caucuses have made Iowa oddly relevant at times. I think Iowa, and probably that whole region is like the United States’ shire. There’s a good mix of political and ideological left and rightness, which at the current time and day strikes a unique and important balance. People are generally friendly, respectful, and none portentous, excluding the author, of course.

I like my wife’s gang at work. Their ornery and silly, and I’m sure they’ve banded together in the trenches of the modern health care system; these people have seen some shit. We ate at Bubbas downtown. They serve quality Southern style dishes, fried chicken and waffles, chicken fried steak, white cheddar grits, home jams, corn breads, mac and cheese, red beans and rice. They have an extensive booze selection. I had a Bubba julep, bourbon and mint and something called a Porch Sipper which was delicious, think it was bourbon, but had cucumbers, basil, mints and something sour in it. We shared and laughed. The server was charming and informative. Bubbas has a classy old school lounge and bar. And you know what, it shares a sizable class. Hell, right next store is a French-influenced restraunt Django, which look qaulity as well. There are more delicious and interesting things to eat in Des Moines then I can even try to get too. 

Driving around admiring the city, the patios were packed with people, smiling, with their friends, enjoying their Saturday night. Hope. Potential. Food is so much more than just a basic need. I was ranting about this to Brit after I came in from farm chores last night. How I didn’t want to be in Nature, but Of Nature. Part of it, not an explorer penetrating it, controlling it. How I feel a symbiotic relationship with my plants, wedding and watering them, how I nourish them and they nourish me, and how kids and families were like this; you nourish them, they nourish you. Talked about this video I saw about kids in India pulling a giant python out of the river for fun, playing with it, and how we still jump at garter snakes. How it’s better to relax about bugs and critters. Accept the swarm around you, pulsating with life. 

We got home and the skies took to play. Summer storms yearning to rain, but empty, dry. The lightening in the distance, striking a portrait at will. Chay comes to get me from bed, says the grey lights out his open window are freaking him out. Light slices the canvas, highlighting bulking, thickly painted clouds. An ocean of fireflies undulate in front yard of the house, dancing in the electric atmosphere. Fireflies. Never knew there could be so many fireflies….

On Trump and His Detractors (sorry for the cursing Grandma) 

Political Brainwashing

Let me preface my comments by noting I remain a resolute member of the No-Vote party. I didn’t vote Trump, and wouldn’t vote for Trump if an election was tomorrow. Although, I must admit the Anti-Trump hysteria has almost changed that. Point is that these comments come from the periphery. I would like to start with the Trump detractors. I woke up this mornings to the news about the shooting on Capitol Hill. I wish I could say this came as a shock, but it didn’t. The amount of anti-Trump propaganda that has been spewed out on every mainstream news channel and platform is insane. They went from never criticizing their darling Obama (his first term got my last vote) to an endless stream of ridicule and hate directed towards Trump. They ignored record drone attacks, ignored continued and expanded wars in the Middle East, ignored the lack of focus on real issues faced by the country, like the outrageous levels of violence in Chicago, the Flint water crisis, etc. 

Granted, Obama didn’t start an illegal war which led to a million dead Iraqis, and for that I will admit at the end of his presidency, I would say he did an all-right job. All that said, to make the point, I am non-partisan. No, more than that, I’m anti-partisan….nah, no point in that, fuck that academic mindset. Let me cut the cheddar, get to the point. Anti-Trump detractors should be fucking ashamed! They are the most gullible, pack of useful idiots the world has ever seen. They went and backed a degenerate career politician, whose hands were drenched in Libyan and Haitian blood, who backed and stood by her sexual predator husband, who violated countless laws. What difference does it make? You scream in your shrill social justice warrior voice. The difference is that’s what got Trump elected. This is your fault Democrats, for being so sheepish, so easily manipulated, so uninformed, y’all made Trump.

And instead of taking your licks and cleaning up your act, you all now attempt to undermine the legitimacy and authority of this President. My younger tortured self would have taken a sick pleasure in that, just crabs in a bucket, but my more mature parental self is shocked and disgusted.

Everything you hate in Trump is more pronounced and obvious in the candidate you would have chosen. Hate him cause he’s rich? First off it’s disgustingly envious, but moreover, Clinton is rich as all hell, and made her money through cronyism, and playing politics. Claims he’s anti-Muslim? Clinton supported policies and wars which wrecked and murdered innocent Muslims and their more moderate countries. Says he’s anti-women? Clinton got child rapist Thomas Taylor a deal, protected her predator husband, and demonized his female victims. Moreover, any true feminist would be disgusted by the fact Clinton tried to use her gender as a reason as to why she should be elected (or not) instead of the validity and strength of her positions. 

But that’s my point, it’s not about Truth, it’s about how Trump makes you feel. About how the propaganda makes you feel. It’s mind control. No, I know, you’re way to clever for that. Right. Bottom line, y’all are all fucked up. And if you continue to back corrupted lifer politicians, you will keep losing. You can’t imagine my elation that Wednesday when I woke and saw that monster had lost. It was a sign that there was still some moral backbone in this country. That yeah we were fucked, but we weren’t that fucked. And none of y’all stopped to seriously consider the rigged polls, the propaganda, no, you just kept right on mindlessly talking your shit. The Russia shit, the racist shit, the misogynistic shit, and it’s done nothing! Besides polarizing the country and making you all look like a bunch of sore loser babies. 

On Trump. Dude is in way over his head. He imagined that he would have the backing of the establishment once he was elected. The truth is the powers that be, as usual, were playing both sides. Ether candidate would have brought their future to fruition. Their goal is to destroy this country. Why? Profit and power. And y’all are played like a fiddle, like the fucking boobies that you are. You sit around, middle sections growing thick, brain growing thin, and like monkeys in the zoo hurl your shit. That what’s Trump needs to understand. It’s beyond reason. He gets that, I might be switching parties. 

Snippets 104 

Gipsy Fortune Teller
Houdini-Gresham 

Washington, D.C., the nation’s most beautiful city, heart of the democracy, hub of the forty-eight states was in 1926 also the city most infested with palm readers, astrologers, message mediums, slate writers, crystal workers, and “rag head rackets” generally. In the shabbier residential neighborhoods their shingles, showing an upraised palm, were thick; sometimes almost every brownstone house to the block had its prognostication parlor. (264) 

Snippets 84

A Farewell to Arms-Ernest Hemingway

If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry. (226)

Snippets 82

A Farewell to Arms-Ernest Hemingway

“What is the difference?”
I cannot say it easily. There are people who would make war. In this country there are many like that. There are other people who would not make war.”
“But the first ones make them do it.”
“Yes”
“And I help them.”
“You are a foreigner. You are a patriot.”
“And the ones who would not make war? Can they stop it?”
“I do not know.”
He looked out of the window again. I watched his face.
“Have they ever been able to stop it?
“They are not organized to stop things and when they get organized their leaders sell them out.” (69)

Snippets 81

Neil Gaiman-Trigger Warning-From Short Story “The Sleeper and the Spindle”

The old woman passed a mother, asleep, with a baby dozing at her breast. She dusted them, absently, as she passed, made certain that the baby’s sleepy mouth remained on the nipple.
She ate her meal of turnips and greens in silence. (243)

Two weeks from mission complete.

Two weeks from mission complete. I’ve been on hiatus from computer, running operations. Shut the internet down. Felt good. For years now, about six, ever since we bought our first house, or rather got a mortgage on a house, wife and I have pined for the country life. Big lots, less people density, farm-stuff, crazy gardens, chickens, maybe a pig or two, who knows? Things had reached a feverish pitch roughly two months ago. As our kids are getting older 2, 4, and 6, change is looking less scary and more revitalizing. We came to the conclusion we would start trying to sell our house in February of 2017, but as we sat there one night and thought about it more, like the fact it could take several months or more to get it done, and no better time then the present, and really what was stopping us? We knew a lot of course (Contingent Contracts, Winter, etc.), and it has ended up being a lot, but none the less, here we sit, two weeks from closing on our current house and a new farm house on December 23, 2016.

It’s sort of remarkable really. I’m still in the whirlwind of it all to relate it appropriately. There’s secrets in all this. Which I will relate for a small fee. If you’re a cheaper, wiser man, I will tell you the key right now. The key is best summed up by the title of book I read once, by Susan Jeffers called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. That’s it. Dreams always hold this element of fear. You fear you and it won’t live up to your expectations, you fear the hard work and change a dream might entail. Your Will scans for hurdles as you plot the course, and highlights easiest solution to these hurdles, which can often make giving up seem like the best option. But it’s not, feeling that fear, rolling in it, chewing on it, sucking back the sickening slurp and hocking it out, and doing what you want to, is the best feeling you’re gonna find, I say. I think the only exception is stupid stuff, like really stupid stuff, jumping out of plane, no parachute. But maybe that’s the key to flying, Faith of a mustard seed and all that.No, physical safety first, then any unreasonable, but awesome dream should be pursued.Forget the rest of it.

It’s practical too. You pursue a dream, and you will learn skills which help in other areas. Maybe guitar won’t make you immediately rich and successful, but all that practice, focus, and pleasure in progress, leads to a person who can accomplish even more challenging tasks.

Then one day you’ll hold the guitar, or the paintbrush, or hammer, and you’ll realize your doing things you didn’t know how to do before. To be great you have to do something that will make you scared. Seems some important paradox in that. Just too damned excited about it all to pontificate more. Ill be back…

P.S. Just knocked back some heavies ones in the Literature realm, Lolita, Orxy and Craker,   As I Lay Dying, The End of Eternity, amazing works, so much to say in response may have to do a dangers of Padding the Reading Part 2. Dystopia had a me a little worn thin in all that though, had to look away, Lot’s wife.  But that’s the true power of the bitter pill, there’s secrets there too, I think. Every read any of those? Let’s talk about them!

Snippets 80

Neil Gaiman-Trigger Warning-From Short Story “The Man Who Forgot Ray Bradbury”

I learned your books. Burned them into my mind. In case the firemen come to town.

But who you are is gone. I wait for it to return to me. Just as I waited for my dictionary or for my radio, or for my boots, and with as meager a result.

All I have left is the space in my mind where you used to be.

And I am not so certain about even that. (139)